Jokes and Lies



The latest lies from around the world.

West Bend, Wisconsin - Zombies on the hunt for pills and H lurk in the shadows of West Bend. Lock your doors and hide all valuables. CCW license highly recommended and remem...

Sheboygan, Wisconsin - Beautiful women and handsome men are occasionally spotted around the downtown area amidst the ghouls goblins and sideshow clowns that frequent the are...

Rivesville, West Virginia - It's not haunted. That's my lie on Rivesville....

Cleveland, Georgia - One time I was hunting with my nerf gun and it was about 3:00 in the morning and I heard something and I went across the ocean and it was a big creatu...

Crawfordsville, Indiana - These are lame. As a former member of W. P. R. S.. 2nd story above the pawn shop. A younger man being beat then stabbed in the late 50's by a co-worke...

Alamo, Nevada - The 'Extraterrestrial Bodacious Time Travelers' (EBT's) from the planet Arcadia were seen dining at the Little A'Le'Inn in relatively nearby Rachel Ne...

Sinclairville, New York - A rather gigantic green sauropod can occasionally be seen swilling high test from the pumps at a local filling station in Sinclairville, say witnesses...

Crystal City, Texas - People said at Lorenzo De Zavala Elementary School in the 4th grade bathroom they said it's haunted my friends said they saw a dead girl ghost sitting...

Crystal City, Texas - East chamber Street is haunted people say that stuff goes missing from the houses one's said they lost their phone but found it 2 days later... I past...

La Mesa, California - Eastridge was originally called ''East Witch Ridge''. Story has it that in the days of the Salem Witch Trials many real Witches transported themselve...

Bonduel, Wisconsin - In Village Park people claim to see a little girl with ragged clothes on sitting on a swing. She would sit there for very long periods of time. But wh...

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Time flies. But you can't, they're too fast.
Lucy: ''Why are you so sad and crying?''

Charlie: ''My pet monkey is stuck in the tree!''

Lucy: ''Chimp up! Things will get better!''

+++++++++++++++++

Lucy: ''I think I'm sick from eating margarine!''

Charlie: ''You should get butter!''.
Hilda: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Gertrude: Yes I am; I married the wrong woman.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Larry was downtown and passed a shop window with a full display of many clocks. He stepped inside and asked the shop clerk, ''May I purchase a clock please?''

The shop clerk replied, ''I am sorry Sir, we don't sell clocks. Actually this shop neuters cats. ''

''Then why have all those clocks in the window?'' asked the puzzled Larry.

''What do YOU suggest we put in the window then!'' said the shop clerk.
Arthur Junior was playing with his set of trains in the living room.
Choo choo, he said, we are now arriving at Delbertville Central Station. All you %$#$%% ^%&%$# who are getting off here get the #@$# off this train so we can get to Rueprecht City on time.
Arthur's mom came rushing in from the kitchen. ARTHUR! WE DON'T USE WORDS LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE! Wash your mouth with soap and go up to your room for one hour.
After the one hour sentence was up Arthur Junior came back downstairs and started playing again.
-Choo choo all aboard, he said. we would like to welcome all passengers to the Rueprecht City Express, we hope you will al have a wonderful journey with us today. If anyone is unhappy with the one hour delay please take it up with the fat bitch in the kitchen.
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